Gladness in my Sadness

I've left all you lovely people out of the adoption loop for the past month.
Partly because some of the information that allows the story to make sense isn't my story to tell.
But also because the reality of our adoption journey thus far is sometimes a little difficult to put into words.

I first told you about K, the birth mom we had been matched with, back in June.
Then, the birth father came into the picture.
Then, K began to say things to us that made us think she was probably going to keep her baby.
We found out that this was her final decision 3 weeks ago.

K and I have built a friendship over the past couple of months and I told her to keep me posted with any baby news.

I got a text Tuesday morning that she was in labor and that night she had her baby...not our baby.

Tuesday was a hard day for me.

But God took care of me as he always does.
He brought this verse to my mind.

This is the day the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

Every time sadness, worry or fear crept in to my mind, Max and I would sing this song.  

We sang it a lot on Tuesday.

I kept thinking...

If we were at the hospital meeting our new son that day, I would be rejoicing.  

I would be glad.

That's easy.

God reminded me that even in my sadness, I can be glad.
I can be glad because of all of the blessings He has given me.  I have an amazing husband, a precious boy, great family and friends, a house, clothes, freedom and on and on and on.

But more than anything else, I can be glad because I have a relationship with Jesus.
I get to have a relationship with Jesus.
I felt His presence all day and Him saying to me, "I know this is hard, Abby, but this is so, so good for you.  Trust me."

So, in the midst of my sadness, I'm choosing gladness.

May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you.

Psalm 70:4

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;

let them ever sing for joy.

Psalm 5:11

Surely this is our God;

we trusted in him, and he saved us.

This is the Lord, we trusted in him;

let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.

Isaiah 25:9

May you be glad in whatever circumstance God has you in today.