Thankful {birth family visits}

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we recently met with Max's birthmom {L} and birthfather {S}.

We have met with L six times since Max has been born and this was the first time that I wasn't nervous before getting together with her.  I'm no longer wondering whether or not she thinks I'm a good mom to Max.  I know in my heart that I'm doing the best job I can {with the Lord's help} and I've had the sweet gift of her telling me what a great job both Wes and I are doing.  

I will say that I was nervous how Max would respond to L and S.  He's going through a "stranger-danger" stage right now, and although they definitely aren't strangers, we haven't seen them since last November.  

I had nothing to worry about.  The loaf of bread won Max over...

I often wonder if he recognizes something familiar about her too.  I so wish I could get inside his brain... 

We were thankful that we got to spend some time with S during this meeting.   

    

After a visit, I always have a wide range of emotions...

I'm humbled as I'm reminded what a gift we were given when L chose us to be Max's parents.  Seeing the people that gave you that gift, face to face, allows you to never take that gift for granted.

I'm overwhelmed.  As Max gets older and begins to have questions, I wonder how we will answer him.  I don't know what those questions will be, but I do know that we can trust God that he will guide us in each and every conversation we have with Max.  

Right now, we talk about his story, even if he doesn't understand everything.  It's good practice for us.  Although adoption doesn't define who he is, it is one special part of who he is.  

I'm happy and thankful that we get to make special memories with his birth family.

We fed tried feeding the ducks.  I'm pretty sure they are eternally full.  There were loaves of bread laying all over the place...

These two ducks clearly have had enough.

Linking up to the Open Adoption roundtable and this lovely lady.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10-4 Good Buddy linky party starts tomorrow.  Come join the fun!

Where's the Love? Wednesday {4.25.2012}

What I'm loving this week...

Playing at the park.  We met Max's birth mom {L} and birth father {S} last Thursday and enjoyed spending time with them.  We got to meet S's daughter too.  More on that later...maybe...we'll see.

This mama bird protecting her babies.

Max "cooking" in the kitchen.

Max doing a little research on potty training via Elmo...and I'm also loving his new haircut.

Remember Max "cooking"?  Well, on this day the food got everywhere, so we decided to get the vacuum out.  Max loved vacuuming until he accidentally dropped the wand and it suctioned to his pant leg.  After that, he was not a fan of the vacuum.

Max getting better at playing by himself.

I hope you take some time to find the lovely in your day.

The Gift

I came across this picture today.  I'm so thankful that Wes captured one of the sweetest and hardest moments I have ever experienced.  

I am forever grateful to Max's birthmom for giving us the priceless gift of a 7 lb. 11 oz. baby boy.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.  

We love her dearly.  

We pray for her daily.  

Will you do me a favor?  Please make it a point this week {or as long as you feel led to} to pray for birthmoms and their families.  There are moms at this very moment who have chosen adoption as the best option for their baby.  

Here are a few ideas to pray for.

* peace about their decision

* healing - physically and emotionally

* that they would have a loving support system

* that they would feel God's love for them

20 Questions for Birthmoms

Here are some questions that, if your situation allows, you could ask your child's birthmom.  


The answers to these questions could be helpful as your child begins to become curious about his or her birth family.


1. What did you like to do as a child?. 


2. What are your favorite foods?


3. What type of music do you like?


4. Where is your favorite place to visit?


5. What is your favorite color?


6. What was your favorite subject?


7. Did you have a favorite book growing up?


8. Do you have any favorite childhood memories?


9. What special talents do you have? 


10. What age did you learn to walk?


11. What are five adjectives to describe yourself?


12. When did you learn to read?


13. Does anyone in your family wear glasses?

14. Are you allergic to anything?

15.  What is your favorite flower?

16. What are your favorite hobbies/activities?

17.  What are plans for your future?

18. What fears did you have before meeting us?

19. When did you start thinking about adoption?

20. What do you want for Max as he grows up?


Please excuse the random spacing...

Questions Birth Moms Ask

Meeting a potential birth mom is very nerve-racking.  We met with 2 other birth moms before we met Max's.  I will tell you that anticipating the meeting was way worse than the actually meeting itself.  I'm never good with unexpected situations.  Thankfully, our adoption agency has a case worker that comes along and facilitates the meeting.  I would think that most agencies do that.

I wanted to give you a list of potential questions the birth mom may ask you.  Some of the answers to these questions are pretty obvious, but I think that it's good to have them thought out.

* Why do you want to adopt?
* Why did you choose this agency?
* Do you want to know the sex of the baby?
* Do you have a name picked out?
* What theme do you have for the nursery?
* How will we stay in contact after the baby is born?
* Would you know how to care for their skin and hair? (white couple adopting a bi-racial or black baby)    
* How many children would you like to have?
* Would you be able to come to some doctor's appointments with me?
* Do you want to be at the hospital when I deliver?
* Is your family excited about you adopting?

I could be wrong as I have never been on the birth mom's side of the meeting, but I think more than anything, they just want to get a feel for you.

BE YOURSELF.

It's OK if you're not chosen.  We've been there and it's a very humbling experience, but we had to keep reminding ourselves that her baby was not our baby.

What questions were you asked when meeting with a potential birth mom?

For some other great possible questions, read April's comment below.

Open Adoption - How Open?

When we were in the process of filling out the gazillion pages of paperwork for our adoption, one of the decisions we had to make was how "open" we were willing to be with the birth family.

The state of Indiana does not recognize adoptions as closed or open, therefore we aren't legally required to have any communication with the birth family. However, our agency requires all adoptive families to agree to write letters and send photos.  So, unless the birth mom wants a closed adoption, we had to be open to some openness.

Were we willing to reveal our full identities or just go by a first name basis?  

Were we willing to see the birth mom after the adoption was final?  

I was a little worried about this decision.  It's hard to decide {and overwhelming} when you have no idea the circumstances your adoption is going to bring.  Obviously, if it was a dangerous situation, we wouldn't put ourselves in harm's way, nor would our agency allow it to happen.  One of our many opportunities to trust God.  

We finally decided to be willing to leave the door open for any of the above and see how God led us....

Before we adopted, I remember hearing of an adoption situation where the adoptive mom and the birth mom had each other's phone numbers.  This was strange to me and I thought that I would never do that. 

Well, guess what?  Max's birth mom and I have each other's number.  It just kind of happened and I'm glad it did.

Things to think about in an open adoption:

* If you don't want the birth family to know your last name and you are going to be present at the hospital during or after the delivery, make sure you let the hospital staff know.  They can then avoid putting that information on any of the paperwork that the birth family may see.  We didn't do this, but we really didn't care either...

* Meeting places - public places work best - during warm weather, parks are a great choice, especially if other children are involved.

*Schedule visits - We went ahead and scheduled 4 visits for the first year.  That gave Max's birth family and us something to look forward to.  Make sure you choose a time that works well with your child's nap schedule.  We failed to do this once and Max was {understandably} a little cranky.

*Box of love - Keep gifts, cards and anything from the birth family in a special box.  If there isn't a relationship with the birth family, make the effort to collect pictures {developed or put on a CD} for the birth family in case they ever make the effort to re-connect.  Our agency gave us this idea and I think it's a great way to show your child that you haven't forgotten about their birth family.

Do you have any ideas for connecting with birth families?

Sunday Snapshot {new outfit and a festival}

Another outfit from Max's birthmom.  Remember this outfit?  Wow, he's changed!  

I think this outfit is adorable and I'm shocked that it fits!  Size 2T.

  

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We met with L, last Tuesday at a park .  We had a good time.  We prayed in the car on the way {I promise Wes didn't close his eyes} that Max would not be all "stranger-danger" with his birth family, especially L, his birthmom.  At first, he wouldn't go to anyone but L.  He still gave her a very serious staredown, but he didn't cry.  I'm not sure if that was God answering our prayer or if there is something about her that he knows is familiar.  Oh, how I wish I knew what that sweet boy was thinking.  Maybe it was a little of both.  By the end of our time together, he was pretty comfortable and was showing his personality. 

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You can't have a new outfit with no place to go...

So we went to one of our city's many festivals yesterday.  {It was stinkin' hot, I'm not sure what we were thinking.} 

Family picture.

We saw some sidewalk art.

Then we got some ice tea, went to some art booths, saw some bodybuilders posing for pictures and left.  Remember - we were hot.  Even in 90 plus degree weather, I love doing stuff with my little family.

Better Late Than Never...

A couple of weeks ago,  I told you that I would fill you in on our last meeting with L (Max's birthmom).



Better late then never...
For our 3rd meeting with L, we opted to not go to Chuck E. Cheese.  I'm sure most of you are thinking - It's about time!

We ended up meeting L at her apartment because her car wasn't working. We were able to help her get that situation taken care of.  Once again...God's timing is perfect. 

The week before meeting with her, one of my prayers was that Max would perform all of the new things he had been doing lately.  You know how it is...when you want your kid to clap, they just look at you like you're crazy.  Thankfully, he did all of his new "tricks".  

Max with L

We were with L for a little over 2 hours.  I love how much she loves Max and I love that she looks us in the eyes and tells us we're doing a good job raising him.  

I had something on my mind for a while and wanted to ask L about it.  One of my favorite things about L is that she will tell you pretty much anything if you ask.  So this is what I asked her.  

Did you ever consider having an abortion?

She immediately said no and told us that it wasn't the baby's Max's fault that he was in that situation.  He deserved to have a life.  

I immediately said thank you for choosing life for Max.  What else do you say?  I find myself asking this question often when I'm with L.

I'm so grateful for her choice and thankful to God for protecting his life.

On a side note:  We Are Grafted In is featuring my Chuck E. Cheese Meltdown post on their blog today.  Go check it out by clicking on the button below.

While you're at it, browse through past posts to read about other families who are going on their own adoption journey.

Chuck E. Cheese Overload

We met Max's birth mom at Chuck E. Cheese again last Wednesday.  I invited my parents along for this meeting.  Chuck E. Cheese was not the best option. (I'm not sure that place is ever a good option,  but particularly a poor choice during Christmas break) I was SUPER nervous this time, especially knowing that there was a pretty good chance we would be meeting the birth father.  We didn't really know much about him so I kind of prepared myself for the worst.  Max's birth mom has always said that Max looks just like his birth father.  I had this silly fear that I would have a negative feeling towards him once I met him and that I would see him every time I looked at Max.

Can I call the birth mom L and the birth dad S?

Thanks.

We met L and S out in the parking lot.  L had 2 bags full of clothes for Max and a few presents for him.  Very sweet.  She cried right away and so did I.  I will probably say this every time, but I can't imagine what it must feel like to be in her shoes.

S was friendly and greeted us with a big smile.  I saw the resemblance that L sees.

S stayed for about 30 minutes.  As he was leaving, he thanked us for taking such good care of Max.  Humbling.

L took a billion pictures.  Said Max was "so handsome" a zillion times and I think took another billion pictures.  The poor kid probably saw flashes for a couple of days.

L's mom and son (thus the reason we were meeting at Chuck E. Cheese) came later.

There was a moment when everybody had left the table but L and me.  Amidst all of the chaos - kids screaming, bells, the same song for the 100th time - we were able to have a sweet exchange of words.  Cried again.  She can't believe that we allow her to see Max.  I want Max to know his birth family for as long as they are willing to meet with us.  I don't know how it's going to be in the future, but Wes and I are going to trust God with all of the details to this unique relationship and pursue it as long as we are led.

Max had Chuck E. Cheese overload, so that was our cue to leave.  Cried one more time and told L that we would see her in March.

My answer to my silly fear has been answered.  When I look at Max, I see Max.